How to Help Your Child Learn to Share

Teaching a child to share isn’t always easy. For kids, sharing often means giving up something they want so a friend can have a turn. This is a tricky concept, so it’s normal for toddlers and preschoolers to struggle with it. The best way to teach a child to share is to practice during everyday activities. Teach your toddler to take turns, give them the words to use, and be sure to show them examples of what sharing looks like.

Key takeaways

• Learning to share is a skill that develops gradually.

• Toddlers are typically focused on their own needs, so it’s normal for them to not want to share.

• By ages 4 to 5, kids can often share more easily.

• To help your child learn to share, you can practice during play and everyday life, use a timer, model sharing yourself, and help them with communication skills.

• Occupational therapy can support skills such as emotional regulation, turn-taking, impulse control, and sensory processing, which affect a child’s ability to share and interact with others.

Why is sharing important for children?

“Sharing helps children participate more easily in play and social situations,” explains Isayda Bell, M.S., OTR/L, an occupational therapist at Expressable. “While they don't need to share every toy or possession that another child wants, learning to share can make it easier for them to interact with others and build friendships.”

Sharing can help children develop:

• Social skills: Children get more chances to interact, learn to cooperate, and build relationships.

• Turn-taking skills: They learn that play can involve waiting and taking turns.

• Emotional regulation: Giving up a preferred toy can bring up big feelings, so it’s important to help children learn to cope with disappointment.

• Perspective-taking: Children begin to recognize that other people have wants, needs, and feelings, too.

• Problem-solving: Sharing often means finding solutions, such as taking turns or finding another toy to play with.

• Communication skills: Children practice asking for a turn, saying when they’re finished, and negotiating.

• Flexibility: They learn that play doesn’t always go exactly as planned.

• Independence: With practice, children can gradually manage social situations without an adult stepping in to help every time.

These skills don’t develop overnight. Sharing is something children learn gradually as their social-emotional, communication, and self-regulation skills mature.

Babies and Toddlers

How Do Children Learn to Play?

How do babies and toddlers learn to play? Learn the milestones and stages of play development in early childhood.

Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP

When should you teach a child to share?

You can begin introducing sharing during the toddler years, but be sure to keep your expectations in line with your child’s age. 

Young toddlers are focused on their own needs. They may have a hard time understanding another child’s perspective. “This is very normal,” Bell says. “Hearing an adult say something like, ‘It's your brother's turn now’ can feel very different to a 2-year-old than to an older child.”

Rather than expecting a toddler to willingly hand over a favorite toy when another child asks, focus on simple concepts such as taking turns, waiting, and playing alongside others. These are great age-appropriate skills to work on that lead to learning to share. 

Think of sharing as a skill that develops over time, not a switch that suddenly turns on at a specific age.

As children move into the preschool years, they generally become better able to understand other people’s perspectives. It’s easier for them to join in cooperative play, which means following “rules” and playing with others (think of a group of kids playing “house” together or working together to build a fort). However, even preschoolers may struggle at times, especially when they're tired, overwhelmed, or playing with a special toy.

Think of sharing as a skill that develops with time, not a switch that suddenly turns on at a specific age.

How sharing skills develop over time

Here’s a timeline of how sharing skills progress as children grow: 

• Toddlers: Children may play near other children without really playing with them. They may grab toys, say “mine,” or become upset when another child touches their belongings.

• Around ages 2-3: Children can begin learning to take turns with adult support, although they may still struggle with giving up preferred toys.

• Around ages 3-4: Children often become more interested in interactive and pretend play. They may understand simple rules about taking turns, but they likely still need reminders or guidance from adults.

• Around ages 4-5: Children typically become more capable of cooperative play. Sharing is easier because they are better able to understand another child’s perspective. 

If your child is struggling with sharing, remember, this is normal. And no, you’re not failing as a parent! Sharing is a skill that takes time for children to develop. 

How to teach your child to share

The best way to teach sharing is during simple, everyday activities. Kids learn best in natural situations, so start trying these skills out with your child today! 

1 Start with turn-taking

For toddlers and young children, try activities that naturally involve taking turns, such as:

• Rolling a ball back and forth

• Taking turns adding blocks to a tower

• Playing simple board games

• Taking turns pushing cars down a ramp

• Taking turns blowing bubbles

You can use simple language such as, “My turn, then your turn.” Over time, your child learns that someone else having a turn doesn’t mean they’ll never get another turn.

Social, Emotional, and Academic

How to Teach Your Young Child to Take Turns

Turn-taking is a vital part of building strong social skills in young children. Learn some simple steps to help children learn to take turns.

Leanne Sherred, M.S., CCC-SLP2 MINUTE READ

2 Use a timer

A timer that a child can hear or see can make waiting feel easier, especially when two children want the same toy. Using a timer can help kids understand how long they need to wait for their turn.

Instead of saying, “You have to give it to your sister now,” try something like, “You're playing with the truck. You can have two more minutes, and then it will be your sister’s turn.”

3 Model sharing in everyday life

Children learn so much just by watching adults. Take advantage of this and look for natural opportunities to model, or demonstrate, sharing. You can say things to your child like, “I have two strawberries. I'll give you one,” “Dad and I are sharing the popcorn,” or “You can use my crayon when I’m finished.”

Talking out loud as you share gives your child a concrete example of what sharing looks like.

4 Practice during play

Pretending with dolls or stuffed animals is another fun way to explore social situations.

For example, as you and your child play with toys, describe what’s happening. Give your child a situation like, “Bear wants the red truck, but Bunny is using it. What could they do?” Talk through the situation with your child.

5 Teach your child what to say

Children may struggle with sharing because they don’t know what to do or say when another child wants their toy. Give them simple phrases such as:

• “Can I have a turn when you’re done?”

• “I'm still playing with this.”

• “You can have a turn after me.”

• “Let's play together.”

• “Can we take turns?”

• “I'm not finished yet.”

For children who have a hard time talking, an adult may need to model these phrases or help the child communicate their message as needed.

Babies and Toddlers

Using Natural Language Modeling to Help Your Child Talk

Natural language modeling is a technique you can use at home with your child to help them talk and use more words.

Leanne Sherred, M.S., CCC-SLP3 MINUTE READ

6 Praise your child when they share

Be sure to recognize when your child has success. For example, celebrate when they hand over a toy to a friend who’s asking for it. Praise the small steps, too, like waiting patiently for their turn. 

Bell says, “It’s important to recognize your child’s hard work and progress. You can say things like, ‘I love how patient you were,’ or ‘Way to go with sharing your blocks! That made your friend feel happy.’” 

What not to do when teaching your child to share

Don’t force your child to share everything. Learning to share doesn’t mean children need to give up every toy whenever another child asks.

If your child has a special stuffed animal, a new toy, or something they are particularly attached to, forcing them to hand it over can create unnecessary frustration.

Here’s a simple idea: Before a playdate, help your child identify special belongings they want to keep private. Put those items somewhere safe and have other toys out for shared play.

This teaches an important lesson: sharing is a social skill, but children can also have boundaries around their belongings.

There are several other things to avoid when teaching your child to share:

• Don’t force your child to share right away, without coaching them through the steps. This may teach them to obey in the moment without developing the needed social and emotional skills.

• Don’t shame your child. Saying things like “You're being selfish” doesn't teach a child what to do differently. 

• Don’t expect a young child to understand other people’s perspectives. A toddler who doesn't want to give up a favorite toy isn't trying to be unkind. They just aren't able to understand another child’s feelings yet.

• Don’t take away a toy as punishment. This can frustrate your child and take the focus off learning and practicing.

Instead, focus on the specific skills your child is missing as they’re learning to share. These may be skills like waiting their turn, communicating their thoughts or needs, regulating their emotions, or finding a solution with a friend.

Social, Emotional, and Academic

The Expert Guide to Play Skills and Social Participation in Children

Play and social skills enable kids to communicate and build relationships. Here are the play skills to look for in kids ages 2-5, plus how OT can help.

Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP

How can occupational therapy help with sharing?

If your child consistently struggles with sharing, turn-taking, or playing with other children, an occupational therapist (OT) can help. Rather than focusing only on the behavior, an OT looks at the underlying skills involved in sharing. Your child might need support with skills such as:

• Emotional regulation: A child may understand that another person gets a turn but still struggle with the disappointment of waiting. They may need help identifying their feelings, calming their body, and dealing with frustration.

• Impulse control: Children have to resist the urge to grab, push, yell, or take something they want. This ability develops gradually as their executive functioning skills mature.

• Flexibility: Sharing can mean accepting that play may not always happen exactly as your child imagined. Flexibility helps children adjust when another child has a different idea or wants the same toy.

• Sensory processing: Difficulty with sensory processing can make sharing feel a little more challenging. For example, a child who becomes overwhelmed in a noisy, crowded place may have a harder time sharing than they would during calm, one-on-one play.

• Attention and social awareness: Children need to notice what others are doing and understand what's happening around them. They may need to pay attention to whose turn it is, recognize that another child is waiting, or notice when another child is frustrated.

• Communication: Children need ways to express what they want, ask for a turn, say they’re not finished, and negotiate with others. Communication problems can make social situations harder.

An OT can evaluate your child to determine what might be causing their challenges. In therapy, they’ll use play-based activities to strengthen these skills in a way that feels natural and motivating for your child.

The goal isn’t simply to make a child 'share better.' It’s to help them develop the skills they need for everyday social situations.

For example, an OT might use games that involve waiting and turn-taking, pretend play to practice social situations, movement activities to support sensory regulation, or structured play activities that help your child become more flexible. Bell often uses games like Red Light/Green Light, Simon Says, and “I choose, you choose” (where each person picks an activity while playing). 

The goal isn’t simply to make a child “share better.” It’s to help them develop the underlying skills they need for everyday social situations.

Looking for an occupational therapist?

Teletherapy makes it easy. We serve families with a range of needs across the U.S. Get started today!

Find an OT

Find an OT

Remember that sharing is a developmental skill, not a character trait. A child who struggles to share isn’t necessarily selfish, rude, or poorly behaved. They are learning a new skill as they grow, and it’s OK if they need some extra support.

Keep practicing through everyday interactions with your child, and reach out to us here at Expressable if you’d like to schedule an OT evaluation. We’ll match you with an occupational therapist for fun, educational sessions that you can attend alongside your child, so you learn how to help them at home. The more your child practices, the faster they’ll make progress!