Helping Your Child Regulate Their Emotions

Big emotions are a normal part of childhood, but managing them isn’t always easy. If your child struggles with tantrums, meltdowns, anxiety, or frustration, they may need support in developing emotional regulation skills. Parents and caregivers can learn simple ways to calm a dysregulated child and help them manage their emotions in a healthy way.

Key takeaways

• Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize and understand our feelings and manage them in a healthy way.

• Children often have big emotions because their brains are still developing the skills needed to manage feelings and calm themselves.

• Common signs of emotional dysregulation in children include tantrums or yelling, hitting or kicking, mood swings, extreme worry, or withdrawal.

• There are ways to help, such as teaching your child to name their feelings, noticing what causes big emotions, and practicing calming techniques.

• Speech and occupational therapy can teach children to recognize their feelings, express them appropriately, and use strategies to find calm. 

What is emotional regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize feelings, understand them, and take action to keep emotions from getting out of control. When children learn to manage their emotions in a healthy way, they can better handle life’s ups and downs. They feel less stressed and can build stronger relationships.

A child who has trouble with emotional regulation may become overwhelmed, lash out, or withdraw when faced with challenges. This is called emotional dysregulation, and it can make everyday situations—like following directions, handling disappointment, or getting along with others—much harder.

The good news is that emotional regulation can be taught! With the right support, children can learn to recognize their feelings, express them appropriately, and use strategies to stay calm. Keep reading to learn how to help your child with big emotions, simple ways to calm a dysregulated child, and how speech and occupational therapy can help support emotional development.

What causes big emotions in children?

Children’s brains are still developing the skills needed to manage feelings. “The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for planning, decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation. This region develops slowly throughout childhood and adolescence and is not fully mature until the mid-20s,” explains Jillian Turner, OTD, OTR/L, an occupational therapist at Expressable. “Because these brain systems are still developing, young children often rely on adults to help them regulate strong emotions.”

When a child feels overwhelmed, their brain sends signals that make it harder to stay in control. Strong emotions, like frustration, fear, or excitement, take over, making it difficult for them to think before they react. Because emotional regulation and behavior control go hand in hand, when children struggle to manage emotions, they also struggle to manage their actions.

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Signs of emotional dysregulation in children

Emotional dysregulation happens when a child has difficulty managing their emotions in a healthy way. “Instead of responding to a situation calmly, a child may have big reactions such as intense emotional expression, physical responses, or withdrawing from the situation,” says Turner. While all children experience big emotions from time to time, some children benefit from additional support, strategies, and environments that help them feel safe and regulated.

Common signs of emotional dysregulation include:

• Emotional outbursts (tantrums, yelling, or extreme frustration)

• Aggression (hitting, kicking, or otherwise lashing out)

• Crying often over seemingly small issues

• Mood swings that are hard to predict

• Anxiety or excessive worry

• Avoiding or denying emotions

• Difficulty identifying emotions or understanding what’s causing them

• Struggling to calm down after an emotional experience

Certain factors can make emotional regulation harder for kids. Children with ADHD, autism, or sensory processing differences may have:

• Big emotions that change quickly

• Trouble recognizing what they feel or why they feel it

• Impulsivity related to emotions (reacting before thinking)

• Difficulties with interoception, which means they struggle to recognize physical or emotional discomfort

• Sensory processing difficulties, where certain sensations (like noise, touch, or light) make it harder to stay calm

Understanding the signs of emotional dysregulation is the first step in helping your child manage their emotions. The good news is that with support and practice, children can develop the skills they need to feel more in control.

Why is emotional regulation important?

Emotional regulation is an important life skill that helps people manage their feelings in a healthy way. It’s normal for everyone—kids and adults—to feel overwhelmed sometimes. However, when emotions become too intense or hard to control, they can take over. That makes it tough to think clearly or respond appropriately.

When a child struggles with emotional regulation, they may see situations as more upsetting than they really are. Their emotions can quickly build up, making them feel out of control. Then, they might react in ways that don’t actually help—like shutting down, lashing out, or avoiding the problem altogether. Over time, if a child doesn’t learn healthy ways to manage emotions, they may turn to unhealthy coping strategies, such as self-harm or risky behaviors.

By helping children develop emotional regulation skills, we give them the tools they need to handle life’s challenges in a positive way. With practice, they can learn to calm themselves, think through their emotions, and respond in ways that support their well-being.

8 ways to help your child with emotional regulation

There are many ways you can help your child understand and manage their emotions. Here are eight strategies Turner recommends you can start using today:

1 Understand the signs of dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation may show up as outbursts, difficulty focusing, or feeling anxious, scared, upset, or overwhelmed. These emotions can make it harder for a child to pay attention, remember information, and communicate. As a result, they may react in ways that don’t match how they actually feel. Recognizing these signs can help you respond with patience and support.

2 Pay attention to dysregulating sensory inputs

Some children become dysregulated due to sensory inputs—certain sights, sounds, smells, tastes, or physical sensations. These might include loud noises, bright lights, or certain textures. Encourage your child to notice what makes them feel overwhelmed and help them find ways to reduce these triggers. Hunger, thirst, and physical discomfort can also contribute to dysregulation.

3 Help your child identify their emotions

Teaching your child to recognize and name their emotions is a key step in regulation. “But timing matters!” says Turner. “Don’t talk with your child about their feelings when they’re upset. Instead, have a talk when they’re calm. Once your child can name their emotions, guide them toward strategies to help. Maybe they can try deep breathing when they feel angry, or taking a break when they feel overwhelmed.”

4 Avoid situations that make your child feel dysregulated

When possible, prevent emotional overload by adjusting the environment. You might dim the lights, reduce background noise, or schedule activities at times of day when your child feels most regulated. If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, help your child prepare. Talk through what to expect and practice calming strategies in advance.

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5 Use calming techniques

Not every strategy works for every child, so experiment to find what works best. Turner recommends these ways to calm a dysregulated child:

• Creating a safe “retreat space” where they can go when overwhelmed

• Changing the environment (such as lowering noise levels or dimming lights)

• Using sensory tools like fidgets, a weighted blanket, or a stress ball

• Encouraging movement, such as stretching, yoga, or exercise

• Providing a snack or drink 

• Teaching deep breathing or meditation techniques

6 Advocate for your child

Teach your child to express what they need to stay regulated. For example, they can say, “This room is too loud. I need a quiet space,” or “I’m mad. I need a minute to breathe.” The more they practice self-advocacy, the easier it will become. As a caregiver, you can also advocate for their needs in school and social settings to ensure they have the right support.

7 Offer more praise

It’s natural to want to correct bad behavior, but research shows that positive reinforcement works better. Instead of focusing on punishment, aim for positive interactions. Praise and reward behaviors you want to see, like calmly leaving the playground instead of throwing a tantrum. It’s best to reinforce the behavior you want rather than punishing the one you don’t. 

8 Shift your mindset

Managing emotions is a skill that takes time to develop. Younger children may not always do this well, especially in high-stress situations like getting a shot at the doctor or starting at a new school. Expect setbacks and provide extra support when needed. Even in elementary school, children are still building executive function skills like impulse control and problem-solving. Emotional regulation continues to develop into young adulthood. Be patient and celebrate progress along the way!

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Emotional development by age group 

While the strategies above are helpful, certain techniques will work better at different ages. Here’s how your child’s emotions develop from birth to age 4, along with ways to help them at each stage so they build lifelong emotional regulation skills.

Infants (0-12 months)

Babies are born with basic emotional responses, like crying to show discomfort or seeking comfort through touch and food. By 6 months, they start using simple self-soothing behaviors, like sucking on their fingers.

How to help:

• Play children’s songs like “The Wheels on the Bus” to keep infants calm longer.

• Singing often works better than talking to soothe a fussy baby.

Toddlers (1-3 years)

Toddlers begin to understand that emotions connect to different situations. By age 2, they start using simple strategies, like moving away from something that upsets them. Fear is often the hardest emotion for toddlers to manage.

How to help:

• Use distraction or avoid stressful situations when possible.

• Teach your toddler to name emotions by talking about feelings in daily life or while reading stories together. (Example: "He looks sad. Why do you think so?")

• Model how to handle emotions—your child will learn by watching you!

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Children (4+ years)

At this stage, kids begin recognizing appropriate vs. inappropriate emotional expressions. But they may still struggle with how to express their feelings. If you acknowledge and validate your child’s emotions, they’ll learn to manage them better.

How to help:

• Teach kids to name emotions, recognize triggers, and manage feelings on their own.

• Validate their emotions to show them that feelings are normal and manageable. Example: “I know that you don’t want to leave the park. It’s OK to feel sad when it’s time to go.”

• Model healthy emotional reactions yourself. Remember, kids learn how to respond to feelings by watching adults.

• Make sure your child feels safe and comfortable telling you how they feel.

When to seek help for a child with big emotions

It's normal for kids to have big emotions, but sometimes those emotions can become overwhelming and difficult to manage. You may want to seek professional help if:

• Your child’s emotions or behaviors last for weeks or longer without improving.

• Their emotions cause distress for them, you, or your family.

• Their emotions interfere with daily life, making it hard to function at home, school, or with friends.

• They show signs of significant distress, such as intense sadness or grief, excessive worry about others, feelings of guilt or shame, aggressive behavior, or self-destructive actions.

If these challenges are making life harder for your child, a psychologist or behavioral health professional can provide guidance and support. Teachers, school counselors, speech therapists, and occupational therapists can also be great resources. 

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How does occupational therapy help with emotional regulation skills?

Occupational therapy can help children develop the skills needed to understand and manage emotions during everyday activities such as school, play, and home routines. Emotional regulation is closely connected to sensory processing, body awareness, and a child’s ability to organize their responses to the world around them.

Pediatric occupational therapists look at the whole child, including sensory processing, motor skills, environment, and daily routines, to understand why they may have difficulty regulating.

“Emotional regulation is closely connected to how a child processes sensory information and understands what their body needs,” explains Turner. “When we help children recognize their body signals and provide supportive strategies, we give them tools to navigate big emotions with greater confidence.”

Occupational therapy for emotional regulation may include:

• Helping children recognize body signals that show when they’re becoming overwhelmed

• Teaching sensory and movement strategies that support regulation

• Building body awareness, coordination, and motor planning skills

• Creating routines and environmental supports that make daily activities more predictable

• Coaching parents and caregivers on ways to support co-regulation at home

OT sessions often include movement, play, sensory activities, and problem solving, so kids can practice regulation strategies in ways that feel natural and engaging.

How does speech therapy help with emotional regulation skills?

In order to communicate clearly, we need to be able to recognize and express our emotions. For children who struggle with big emotions, a speech therapist can show them how to understand and communicate their feelings. 

Speech therapists help children learn to:

• Identify and name emotions: Some children may have a hard time recognizing or labeling their feelings. A speech therapist can help them learn “emotion words” using spoken language or an AAC device if they are nonverbal.

• Express what’s bothering them: Children may not know how to explain why they are upset. A speech therapist can help them find simple ways to express their needs, such as saying “Lights too bright” or using a picture to communicate, instead of becoming overwhelmed.

• Practice safe and appropriate communication: A speech therapist can guide children in understanding who to talk to (like a parent or teacher) and how to ask for help when they feel dysregulated.

In speech therapy, your child can develop the skills they need to express their emotions, ask for help, and get through challenging situations.

Find a speech or occupational therapist for your child

If you have concerns about your child’s emotional regulation or communication skills, reach out to one of our clinicians today to discuss how we can support your child’s development!