Pragmatic Language, Explained: How We Use Language in Social Situations
Communication isn’t just about what you say. It’s also about why, when, and how you say it, which is also called pragmatic language. Knowing how to use pragmatic language is essential for children to succeed in school, make friends, and communicate confidently. Continue reading for pragmatic language, explained—for parents and caregivers.
During a conversation, we often take turns speaking, make eye contact, and actively listen to what others say. These all fall under pragmatic language, or the ability to pick up on social context when communicating. We aren’t born with these capabilities; we develop them during childhood. And like any other skill, children develop social communication at different speeds.
Children with a social pragmatic language disorder develop these skills more slowly. They may struggle to understand social rules or read body language. Or perhaps they don't pick up context clues or understand jokes. The signs can be subtle, or even confused for just being shy.
This guide intends to clear any confusion and share ways your family can build social communication skills at home. It will also explain the signs a child may need speech therapy.
How to use this guide
Take five minutes to learn about what pragmatic language is and skim the milestones by age.
This can help you decide if your child should work with a speech therapist. It can also reveal if your child would benefit from classroom accommodations.
Learn a few at-home strategies to help your child improve their pragmatic language skills.
What is pragmatic language?
Pragmatic language refers to the ability to use language in a way that’s appropriate to the context. Think about the last time you had a conversation. You probably took turns speaking. Maybe you adjusted your words based on the other person’s replies or body language. All of this is part of pragmatic language, also known as social communication.
“A simple way to understand pragmatic language is that it’s how we say something, when we say it, and why we say it,” says Laura Thorburn, M.S., CCC-SLP, speech-language pathologist at Expressable. “It’s all about using language in a social way—knowing how to start a conversation, take turns, stay on topic, and respond appropriately.”
A simple way to understand pragmatic language is that it’s how we say something, when we say it, and why we say it.
These skills are important at any age. For kids, they are essential to succeed in school and make friends. They also help children communicate in a clear, confident, and authentic way. Thorburn explains, “Basically, pragmatic language is what helps us connect with others and communicate in a way that fits the situation.”
Core pragmatic skills
There are a few core pragmatic skills children may develop:
Taking turns in conversation with others (not interrupting mid-sentence)
Staying on topic, but also changing to a new topic smoothly when necessary
Understanding and using nonverbal signals, like eye contact, facial expressions, and gestures
Respecting personal space
Clarifying or rephrasing their point if it’s not understood
Changing how they communicate based on who they’re speaking to (for example, a friend vs. a teacher)
Showing empathy for others and considering their perspectives
Pragmatic language milestones (by age range)
Here are the age-specific milestones for pragmatic language. Keep in mind that pragmatic language develops gradually. So, for example, if your child just turned 3 and they don’t yet have all the core skills for 3-year-olds, don’t panic.
Shows objects to caregivers, such as a toy
Develops communicative intentions, such as protesting or asking for things
Points to ask for something or to share something
Says ritualized words like “hello” and “bye”
Shows emotions like happiness or sadness
Can talk back and forth with another person for a short amount of time
Can speak using a few sentences at a time
Can introduce or change topics in a conversation
Uses attention-getting words like “look”
Begins to understand that others may feel differently than they do
Takes part in longer conversations
Can code-switch, meaning they communicate differently with friends, teachers, parents, and others
Asks for permission
Recognizes when someone says something that clearly isn’t true
Use words like “yeah” or “OK” to acknowledge others’ points
Anticipates their turn when turn-taking
Can rephrase what they said when not understood by others
Uses “please” and “thank you”
Uses twice as many words and phrases as preschoolers to talk about emotions and feelings
Tells stories with a sequence of events, though they often don’t have a theme or central characters
Understands that other people may have different beliefs or interests than they do
Able to stay on topic when necessary
Can easily shift topics during a conversation
Follows most classroom talking and social rules
Can clarify points when they are not understood
Able to stay on topic
Actively listens to others
Has a good grasp of social conventions
Can pick up and reflect on social rules
Uses language in a persuasive way or to get their point across
Understands that it’s possible to feel multiple emotions at once
Practices increased self-regulation skills
Can understand and use indirect requests and ambiguous language
Recognizes and uses sarcasm
Shows that they care for others
Teenagers (middle and high schoolers)
Has competency in verbal and nonverbal skills
Has a solid understanding of nonverbal behaviors and cues
Can explain figurative language like idioms or metaphors
Develops close friendships and possibly romantic relationships
Continues to improve their emotional intelligence
Signs of pragmatic language difficulties
Not meeting milestones for their age may mean a child has pragmatic language difficulties. Yet many of these signs are hard to spot. “Because some pragmatic errors are typical, parents and teachers often miss the subtle signs that a simple pragmatic mistake can actually be a pragmatic language impairment,” explains Thorburn. “Parents and teachers should look for signs of difficulty making friends, interrupting others, and not showing awareness for how others feel. It's like their 'social radar' is off.”
In Thorburn's experience, some of the most common signs include:
Trouble starting a conversation or keeping it going
Limited back-and-forth when talking with others
Not understanding jokes
Missing social cues, such as when someone else wants to speak or when someone is bored
Other signs include:
Regularly using lines from shows or movies
Having trouble making or keeping friends
Too little or too much eye contact
Struggling to work in groups
Difficulty reading others’ emotions
Common causes & co-occurring needs
Between 6% and 11% of 5- to 6-year-olds have not hit typical pragmatic milestones. Most of that 6-11% don’t have social communication difficulties alone. Instead, difficulties usually occur with another condition. Common ones are:
Autism: Autistic children are neurodivergent. That means they may interpret social cues and nonverbal communication differently than their neurotypical friends. This may affect their pragmatic language development.
Hearing differences: Being deaf or hard of hearing can affect pragmatic language development.
ADHD: This condition impacts a child’s ability to remain focused. ADHD may make it harder to focus on and process pragmatic language skills.
Social anxiety: Children with social anxiety often avoid conversations and social situations. That means they have fewer chances to develop their pragmatic skills.
Other communication disorders: Children with other communication disorders are more likely to struggle with pragmatic language. This includes developmental language disorder and speech sound disorder.
If a child is bilingual, differences across languages are expected. A social communication disorder, however, will show in all languages.
Home tips for social communication skills
At home, families can work on pragmatic skill development throughout the day. One way to do this is to demonstrate, or model, good social skills yourself. “A fun example is by playing board games. They require waiting your turn and are a chance to notice and label other people's feelings,” explains Thorburn.
On movie night or while watching a TV show, you and your child can discuss the characters' emotions afterward. Or, at dinner, every family member can reflect on their day with the rose, bud, thorn exercise. For this activity, each person takes a turn sharing:
A rose: Something good about the day
A thorn: Something bad from their day
A bud: Something they are looking forward to
Supplies master list
Social communication centers around how someone communicates in their day-to-day life. To help your child build these skills, you can use everyday items and toys, such as:
Visual schedules to help students learn routines and social norms.
Comic-strip conversations and age-appropriate books. Ideal materials have both written descriptions and pictures of everyday situations.
Feelings charts to learn self-regulation. If other family members join in, it can help them be mindful of others' emotions.
Family photos where your child can identify emotions and nonverbal communication.
Toys that your child can use to act out everyday conversations. This could be using stuffed animals to relive their day at school. Or maybe your child role-plays clothes shopping with dolls.
Age-appropriate games with turn-taking.
What a speech therapy evaluation looks like
A speech and language evaluation is useful when a child isn’t reaching age-appropriate milestones. “The evaluation itself is a mix of tests, talking, and observing to understand how the child uses language in real life,” says Thorburn.
“Evaluations start with an interview of the parent and might even include the child’s teacher,” she explains. “This is a chance to discuss observations about how the child interacts with others or what concerns the parents and teacher may have.”
After interviews and reviewing a child's case history, the speech therapist will observe the child. They will also ask the child questions to see how they respond in different scenarios. This observation can be done online or in-person—both work just as well.
Treatment options: What helps
After an evaluation, the speech therapist will recommend next steps. If they think the child will benefit from speech therapy, they will create a treatment plan. This should take into account the child’s unique needs and interests.
And what exactly does speech therapy for pragmatic language look like? “A typical session would start with a check-in to see how the child is feeling since the last session,” says Thorburn. “Then the therapist might use the child's own feelings in the moment." The speech therapist may also introduce a guiding concept for a session, such as active listening.
Speech therapy for social pragmatics should take into account the child’s unique needs and interests.
Thorburn often shows videos with a short story that’s relevant to the session’s focus. “Children enjoy identifying a character being rude in a movie or cartoon. It provides a great opportunity to talk about why it isn't nice and how it might make the other person feel,” explains Thorburn. “The goal is to practice using language in ways that will carry over into daily life.” Sessions may also include role-playing or games that require social communication skills.
And the best part? The therapist tailors sessions to each child’s interests. As one parent of an Expressable client put it, “Jennifer does a great job working with our son. They work on social interactions and incorporate videos/stories/images that he is passionate about, helping keep him interested and pushing himself without even realizing it.”
Treatment also includes parent coaching and empowers caregivers to play an active role in their child’s growth. Your speech therapist will recommend at-home activities that are effective (and fun!), along with any accommodations that may help at school.
Classroom tips
Home and speech therapy sessions aren’t the only places where your child uses pragmatic skills. They’re in high demand at school, too. In the classroom, parents can work with teachers to ensure their child gets the support and accommodations they need.
“Accommodations can really be anything that a parent or team thinks would be useful to a specific child,” says Emma Siemasko, an IEP & Special Education Advocate at One of a Kind Advocacy in California. “As long as it can be realistically implemented in the classroom, it's fair game.”
Siemasko provides some examples of accommodations:
Extended time for test taking
Noise-canceling headphones
Ability to take breaks in a “calming corner”
Alternative seating arrangements, such as sitting near the teacher
Using speech-to-text for assignments
A personalized reward system or checklist
Siemasko notes, “Although these accommodations are pretty common, it's really important to tailor them to the child as much as possible.”
If a child struggles, they may be able to have an IEP, or individualized education program.
“An individualized education program is commonly referred to as an IEP. It’s a comprehensive program put together by a public school team and parents that allows a special education student to receive support and services that meet their needs,” explains Siemasko. The IEP outlines any services to help a child achieve specific and measurable goals. This plan may include accommodations, access to speech therapy, social skills groups, and more.
When creating an IEP with your child’s school, remember that “I” stands for individualized. “There are commonalities for many kids with disabilities, such as sensory sensitivity and the need for extra movement,” Siemasko explains, “but every child is an individual with their own unique profile, so the IEP is individualized (it's in the name!).”
When to seek care
If your child is struggling to communicate in age-appropriate ways, consider a speech and language evaluation. Working with a speech therapist can play a crucial role in a child’s development. As one Expressable client reflects, “Kelsey is an amazing therapist to work with. She has created a level of confidence in our son that is helping him socially and academically. We would give her ten stars.”
Key takeaways
Pragmatic language is the ability to adjust communication based on social contexts. It also includes understanding verbal and nonverbal cues from others.
We develop pragmatic skills during childhood. At any age, social communication skills help us thrive at work and school. They help us make friends and understand other people’s perspectives and emotions.
If a child doesn’t meet age-appropriate milestones for social communication, a speech therapist can help. School accommodations and at-home activities can also build these skills.
As a parent, you don’t have to navigate pragmatic language difficulties alone. Speech therapists, teachers, advocates, and others can help your child develop these skills.
Frequently asked questions
How to explain pragmatic language?
Pragmatic language is the verbal and nonverbal communication skills used in everyday social contexts. Also called social communication, it's the why, how, and when of communicating.
What is pragmatics in language?
Pragmatics in language means adapting your communication based on context clues from others. Those clues might include people’s facial expressions, vocal tones, and body language. Other verbal or nonverbal cues can help you interpret social situations as well.
What does ‘pragmatic’ mean in simple terms?
As an adjective, “pragmatic” explains what is sensible or logical. In communication, it refers to a set of social communication skills. They allow us to communicate in a way that gets a point across while respecting others' emotions.
What is a real-life example of pragmatics?
Pragmatic language takes into account social cues from others and context clues. A real-life example would be a child raising their hand and saying “May I use the restroom?” in a classroom. In contrast, when visiting a friend’s house for a playdate, that same child may ask to use the bathroom more casually.
How Expressable Can Help
Concerned your child isn't reaching age-expected milestones? Looking for communication support from a professional? Expressable is a national online speech therapy practice serving children and adults. We treat all major areas of communication and feeding, offer flexible hours including evenings and weekends, and accept most major health insurance plans. We’re proud to have earned more than 3,000 5-star reviews from our clients (4.9/5 average).
Our therapy model is centered on parent and caregiver involvement. Research proves that empowering caregivers to participate in their loved one’s therapy leads to better outcomes. That’s why we combine live, 1-on-1 speech therapy with personalized education and home practice activities for faster progress.
Communication is more than words. It’s how we share how we feel and show who we are. We’re here to help you or your child do just that.
