How to Help Your Child When They Can’t Communicate

When your child is having a hard time telling you what they want or how they feel, it can be frustrating for them--and upsetting for you, too. Speech therapists are experts in helping children who get frustrated when trying to communicate. In this article, we share 4 speech therapy techniques to help your child express their needs, even when they can’t use words. Plus, learn the signs of speech delay to watch for and how to know when speech therapy might be needed.

Is your child on track?

Take our free screener to learn more about your child's development and whether a speech evaluation is recommended.

Screener for children

Screener for children

How to help your child when they can’t use words to communicate

It’s common for kids who have trouble communicating to get upset. Being able to express our wants and needs is so important–especially for little ones who are growing into their communication skills. So it’s normal for them to feel frustrated when others don’t understand. And that frustration is hard on everyone: both your child and you.

Next time you notice your child getting frustrated, there are a few speech therapy techniques you can try. Read on so that you’re prepared and know how to help them.  

1 Give your child choices

One of the best things you can do to help your child communicate is to give them choices. So instead of asking, “What toy do you want?,” ask them, “Which toy do you want? The car or the train?”

It helps if you can physically show your child the options. One way to do this is by using pictures of items. You can help your child make a communication board, or print out pictures of things they often want or request. Speech therapist Bailey Zalar, M.A., CCC-SLP, often uses this technique. “Providing pictures or choices brings focus to what the child is able to do, instead of focusing on what they can’t do,” she explains. “This helps redirect their attention and energy, while also providing models for language.”

2 Ask your child “yes or no” questions

It’s common to ask kids open-ended questions, such as “What do you want for a snack?” or “What happened?” 

It’s good to ask your child questions, but sometimes it can be hard for them to answer. So try to ask “yes or no” questions instead. You might say, “Do you want crackers or a banana for a snack?” If your child is upset, you could ask, “Are you hurt?” “Are you sad?” “Are you mad?”

Let’s say your child is upset and you think you know what happened. In this case, it’s time to leave a play date. You can ask, “Are you upset we have to leave?” When kids feel understood, that can help calm the situation… or at least begin to!

Social, Emotional, and Academic

Using Empathy Helps Your Child Talk About Their Feelings

Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP

3 Have your child use gestures to show you what they need 

It’s helpful to have your child show you what they’re trying to tell you. Maybe they want help with something, or they want a certain toy. You can say, “Show me what you need,” or even ask a simple “Where?” if your child does better with straightforward language. 

This is also where using gestures can help. Start teaching your child gestures and baby signs like more, help, please, cup, hungry, or potty. Think of any words they may need to tell you, and teach them the sign language sign for the word.

Using signs will not prevent your child from talking. Research shows that it actually helps your child learn to say more words.

4 Make the most of single-word responses

When your child is frustrated and trying to communicate, it’s not the best time to tell them to “use more words” if this is usually hard for them. This will likely just make them more upset!

So, if your child says just one word, use it to try to figure out what they’re talking about. Maybe they say, “Ball,” so you try to find out what happened with the ball. Did it go over the fence? Can they not find it? Start there and work backward.

Check out this short video from one of our speech therapists that explains 5 things you can say instead of “Use your words.”

Practice these 4 speech therapy techniques anytime

Remember, you don’t have to wait until your child is upset to use these language techniques. You can practice them daily, in all sorts of situations. Here are some examples:

• Storytime? Show your child two books to pick from.

• Are they having fun playing outside? Ask them, “Do you like going down the slide?”

• Practice the sign for “more” when you’re singing silly songs together or eating a yummy snack.

• In any situation, when your child talks, be sure to respond to them!

All of this practice will help your child’s language growth. As they learn these skills, they’ll be better able to communicate, which should cut down on their frustration.

Knowledge is power

Take 5 minutes to check your child’s speech milestones with our free online screener.

Start the screener

Start the screener

How do I know if my child needs speech therapy?

If your child regularly has trouble expressing their needs, it’s important to find out whether they have a speech delay. The sooner speech therapy can begin, the faster progress kids can make.

Only a speech therapist can determine whether a child has a speech delay. But you can spot some signs of speech delay at home. One way to do this is by taking our free online screener. The questions are tailored to your child’s age, and you’ll receive detailed results that explain whether an evaluation is recommended.

It’s also important to know the key communication milestones to expect when your child is a toddler and preschooler.

12-24 months communication milestones

• Uses some single words on their own

• Able to shake their head “yes” and “no”

• Uses gestures, like pointing, to communicate

• The number of words they can say keeps growing

2-year-old communication milestones

• Uses two-word phrases (such as “More please,” “I want”)

• Uses around 50 different words

• Starting to join in short conversations

• Better understands questions and is starting to answer them

3-year-old communication milestones 

• Asks a variety of questions

• Has growing grammar skills, such as using the plural “s” (“dogs”) or “-ing” verbs (“eating”)

• Can better tell you their feelings

• Speaks in sentences

If your child isn’t meeting these milestones, or even if you just have a gut feeling they may need support, reach out to us at Expressable. We’re here to help!

What is online speech therapy like for toddlers and preschoolers?

Expressable provides high-quality online speech therapy, similar to traditional in-person therapy but delivered via secure video conferencing. On your screen is a licensed speech-language pathologist who will work with your child to improve their communication skills.

Many studies have shown that teletherapy works just as well as in-person speech therapy for a range of conditions, and even for the youngest toddlers. Online speech therapy makes it easy for parents to attend alongside their child, at a time that works for them and from the comfort of home. Your speech therapist will partner with you, showing you how to help your child with their speech and language at home. The more you practice with your child between sessions, the faster they’ll make progress! We call this parent coaching, and it’s a proven speech therapy method that leads to the best results.

Talk with a speech therapist today

We’re here to help your child express themselves and share who they are with the world. Click here to get matched with a speech therapist today.