Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP
As kids grow older, their schoolwork—and social relationships—become more complex. And opportunities to get involved in sports, clubs, and other activities start to grow, too. With many of these changes comes the need for new communication skills. For some kids, this can be a challenge. Speaking up for themselves and communicating with peers and adults isn’t always easy. But these communication skills will set them up for success throughout school, into early adulthood, and beyond. Here’s what you can do to help your child or teen grow into a confident communicator.
Key takeaways
As your child grows older, they need to develop more complex communication skills to use at school and socially. For example, they may need to start and carry on conversations, speak up for themselves, and communicate with others during group projects.
There are lots of activities that can help kids grow their communication skills, such as school clubs, sports, student council, or running their own business.
You can help your child practice communication skills at home, with conversation starters, role-play, and other support.
Speech therapy can help children and teens strengthen their social language skills. If you're concerned, start off by talking with your child's teachers.
Expert language support
If your child has trouble expressing themselves or understanding others, a speech evaluation may be helpful. Take the next step today.
Find a speech therapistCommunication skills needed for school
The daily routines of school, classes, homework—as kids get older, it all requires them to develop their communication and self-advocacy skills, or their ability to speak up for themselves.
For your child, this may look like the following:
Learning to recognize when they need help and requesting it from a teacher
Learning to introduce themselves to people
Asking for directions if they can’t find their class
Standing up for themselves or others when there’s a problem
Communicating with others during a team project
Participating in conversations with a variety of people
Learning public speaking skills for presentations
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Clubs and activities that encourage communication growth
There are lots of ways for kids and teens to step out of their comfort zone and learn new communication skills. Take a minute and think about what interests your kiddo. Is it art, music, sports? Being outdoors? Are they passionate about a certain cause? Are they interested in starting a business? One of these activities could be a perfect fit:
Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts: These organizations allow kids to make friends, learn life skills, help their communities, and improve their leadership abilities.
Clubs focused on an interest or cause: In group activities like clubs, every child has a role to play to help the group accomplish their goals, whether it’s raising awareness or funds, volunteering, or simply being part of social situations. Children may need to learn to speak up for themselves, help others, or meet new kids in these settings.
Student council: Running for student government can take a bit of courage. There’s often a campaign or speech involved, which may be a new experience for your child. They may need to summarize the key points of why they’re running and what they want to accomplish–an important communication ability!
Starting a business, such as babysitting or lawn care: Running a small business can be a whole new world for kids and teens. It involves responsibility, time management, and communication with adults. Talking with adults in order to schedule work and discuss pay may be a little intimidating at first. However, learning to communicate with people of all ages is important.
Getting comfortable with new types of communication isn’t always easy. Let’s talk more about how you as a parent or caregiver can help your child.
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How to help your child with their conversation skills
"At school, your child has to talk with a variety of people: other students, teachers, friends, coaches," says Alexis Irazoque, M.S., L/SLP, a speech therapist with Expressable. "Forming new relationships is often done through conversation. It’s an important skill that helps us make friends and stay connected to others."
Striking up a conversation can feel tough for some people. Your child might be on the shy or introverted side. They may not know what to say, or they just might feel awkward. But conversations can start in a lot of ways:
Introducing yourself
Making a statement
Asking a question
If you think your child could grow in this area, spend some time practicing conversation starters with them. The key is to look for a question that’s general, like “How’s your day going?,” or one that’s relatable to both people. For example, if your child is at a sports practice, they might ask another player, “Have you played football before?,” or make a statement like "This drill is a tough one."
For better conversations at home, try to ask open-ended questions when talking with your child, rather than “yes or no” questions. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?,” try “What was your favorite class today?” or “Who did you eat lunch with?” or “What was a high [or low] part of the day?” These types of questions can spark a conversation, prompting your child to share more details. It also teaches them conversation skills they can then use with others.
"As a bonus, asking about favorite classes or activities can give you an idea of what your child is enjoying," Irazoque notes. "Chances are, the activities they enjoy are the ones where they’re speaking up and connecting with other people." Try to learn how your child feels about their teachers, coaches, and any group projects, too. That information may help you understand if your child is struggling in any area.
Using role-play and home practice
If you think your child may be having a hard time with conversation, self-advocacy, or just communication in general, know that these skills can take time to develop, especially if your child is on the younger side.
If your child is struggling with self-advocacy, or speaking up for themselves, create some opportunities to practice. You might give them a chance to tell you why they deserve a raise in their allowance. Or if you’re out to dinner and your child’s order is incorrect, they can be the one to talk with the server about it. "Self-advocacy is a key part of confident communication and being able to express your needs," Irazoque says.
If your child has a hard time communicating with others, or is nervous about giving a speech or presenting a report, have them practice at home. Your child can present their report to family members. Or you can role play by acting out what to say in various situations. For example, if your child is going to be late to sports practice, have them "rehearse" how they'll tell their coach. Or have them practice how to tell their teacher they need help with an assignment.
It’s true that success at home may not easily transfer to other settings. It’s very different for kids to give a speech in front of peers rather than their parents. Just do your best to support and prepare your child in any way you can. And be alert to anything your child tells you about school that may signal they need some help.
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When to seek outside support for your child
Middle school and high school can be a challenging time for kids. Learning to navigate new social situations and more complex schoolwork and schedules will take some practice. But if your child seems to be struggling and it’s causing them distress, know that help is available.
You may want to contact your child’s teachers first. Share your concerns and ask what they’re seeing in class.
If you notice behaviors that signal low self-esteem, depression, or anxiety, it’s best to speak with a licensed therapist or counselor. Many therapists work with children and teens to address these types of issues. You can start by speaking with your child’s pediatrician, checking with your insurance company, or looking online for therapists with strong recommendations. Your child’s school may also have a counselor or social worker on staff.
Pragmatic language explained for parents—what it is, the social rules kids use daily, signs of delay, age milestones, and home activities.
If your child has a hard time with social skills in many areas, they could have a social language delay. Social language is also called pragmatics. "Speech therapy can help children and teens develop and strengthen their social language skills," Irazoque says.
Therapy for social communication may focus on:
Using appropriate communication when socializing, such as greeting others, smiling, and maintaining eye contact
Changing your communication style depending on the setting and who you're talking to
Following social rules such as staying on topic and not interrupting
Understanding verbal versus nonverbal cues and body language
Speaking or presenting in public with confidence
The best way to know if your child could benefit from help with social language is through an evaluation with a speech therapist. They can assess your child’s current strengths and weaknesses, determine if a delay is present, and make treatment recommendations. With online speech therapy, your child can attend sessions from home, after school or in the evenings, so it's an easy fit with a busy school schedule. Get matched with a speech therapist at Expressable here.
How Expressable Can Help
Concerned your child isn't reaching age-expected milestones? Looking for communication support from a professional? Expressable is a national online speech and occupational therapy practice serving children and adults. We treat all major areas of communication, feeding, and developmental skills, offer flexible hours including evenings and weekends, and accept most major health insurance plans. We’re proud to have earned more than 4,500 5-star reviews from our clients (4.83/5 average).
Our therapy model is centered on parent and caregiver involvement. Research proves that empowering caregivers to participate in their loved one’s therapy leads to better outcomes. That’s why we combine live, 1-on-1 speech and occupational therapy with personalized education and home practice activities for faster progress.
